Post-Apocalyptic Cooking: Some Tips to Get You Started
Print Article As we all know, the End is Near.
Image via Komo News, www.komonews.com
Not the zombie apocalypse -- the CDC has reminded us that zombies aren't real. Yet.
I'm talking about the REAL End Days -- the moments leading up to the Eschaton, the final judgment for all people. Why is the world ending? You might ask. I'll tell you: I don't know.
But the Internet has made it quite clear that it probably definitely will. According to the interwebs, common symptoms of the apocalypse may include:
-Collapse of social institutions, such as kickball teams and celebrity chef cooking shows
-Nuclear winter
-The destruction/hacking/solar flare burn-up of the power grid
-Universal health care
-Extreme food shortages
With this in mind, it makes perfect sense that my friend Joanne, who blogs far more delicious food and far more frequently than I over at fifteenspatulas.com, would have received a letter from a reader suggesting he was appalled my friend doesn't own a solar oven or a 30-year supply of food.
I am inspired, then, to add to the useful apocalypse related news and tools on the Internet by providing my beloved readers with this post (full list of tips after the jump)!
Post-Apocalyptic Cooking: Some Tips to Get You Started
1) Acquire livestock. Pigs are a good start, since they eat anything; plus, if your post-apocalyptic society can't have bacon, then what's the point?
2) Grow lettuce right on your survivalist compound's walls! It's efficient and easy!
3) If you're going high-tech, make sure your natural gas fracking site is far enough away from your aquafer. Trust me.
4) Choose geothermal cooking options over solar. You can't plan for what the nuclear fallout did to the climate.
5) Related -- you can sous-vide in geothermal pools!
6) Train everyone in your compound as a chef. You can't predict when someone will be raptured/eaten by wild dogs, so ensure that no one person is your only capable cook.
7) If you're taking the solo hermit approach to post-apocalyptic survival, learn to cook for one. After all, refrigerating leftovers is tough in the midst of a fiery Armageddon!
8) Finally -- HAVE FUN! Just because you can't get exotic spices anymore and your favorite restaurants are just rubble in the ruins of our once-great cities doesn't mean you shouldn't still enjoy eating delicious and nutritious meals!
This is just a start -- what tips do YOU have, dear readers, for cooking and eating well during the End of Days?
Reader Comments (1)
Receiving those emails made me question myself as a culinary authority because CLEARLY, if I don't know how to use an apple box oven then I have no business in this field, given the immediate changes that are bound to come at any second, and the fact that I am unprepared for said catastrophic events. Thanks to you, I am now a little more prepared. HAHAHAHA.